 Relief and Acceptance for Men As They Are |
| Reviewer: Stacy A. Clark, Boulder, Colorado |
"Way of the Superior Man" is my first recommendation to every male student who comes to me for guidance in spiritual relationships. Men are relieved to find that their feelings are normal and natural. The book helps men to find and reclaim their power in relationships in a compassionate and honoring way. My students come back telling me that this is the best book they've read in a long time.
The chapters are short enough to read in the bathroom if you aren't inclined to read very much. Deida doesn't pull any punches. He is direct, masculine and to-the-point in his caring presentation of his material.
Chapters on "Stop Hoping for Your Woman to Get Easier" and "Her Complaint Is Content-Free" certainly give information that I find brilliant and true as a woman. Men tell me that they have solved a large percentage of their relationship problems by following Deida's ideas and guidelines.
See the hardback edition for the "Look Inside This Book" The Table of Contents is fabulous.
Stacy Clark, MA
Boulder, Colorado
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All Men must read this book
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| Reviewer: Ramon Thomas, Johannesburg, South Africa |
| Especially those like me who come from a divorced family and spent little time with my dad growing up. No real strong male role models and certainly nobody who took enough interest in me to teach me certain life skills. Much of what I know I had to learn by trial and error and right now I'm not speaking to my mother because she is a religious extremist and uses that as an excuse not to discussion certain things. Anyway finding this book has been a culmination of a journey for me as a man in a the 21st century. Women seem to have so much power over men in society. Being the selectors and having control over sex. Men are so desperate they pay for it, or rape women. This is the sad state of affairs we find ourselves in. For men to find their way, find their path, take back their power David Deida's The Way of the Superior Man is a MUST READ. Very much a spiritual guide book that explains all concepts in short chapters that gives you food for thought every time you read it. Don't delay and buy this book today. |
Fantastic; Perspective-Changing
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| Reviewer: Gorilla, Boston/Vienna |
I can't say enough good things about this book. For starters, dissecting and commenting on the individual chapters themselves (there are MANY, and they are short) would take longer than is necessary or useful. The most useful effect this book had on me was that every time I got up to take a break from reading it, I looked at the world around me in a different way.
Chances are if you're reading this review, you know what I mean; it's RARE. The effect doesn't wear off after a few hours, or days, or weeks. If you're willing to drop what you know for a little bit, and let it be completely reinterpreted by a new unifying perspective, then this book will change not only how you look at life, but also how you move through it.
Specifically, I loved the parts of the book that prompted me to re-examine and interpret the tremendous effect of youthful feminine energies in my life, in addition to the sexual, more mature feminine energies I encounter romantically. There is an amazing perspective to be found in this book, and every man should read it.
-Gorilla |
A book for every man to read, and for their women to read too
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| Reviewer: Mama on the Go, Rocky Mountains |
I first saw this book on my husband's bookshelf before we were married, and I borrowed and read it. My thoughts at the time: Wow, if this man really believes and lives the principles in this book, he is the one for me! Four years of married bliss and a 3-year-old child later, I still think this. David Deida's basic premise: there is a "Way of the Superior Man" that both includes and transcends the "tough" concept of masculinity of our ancestors, and the "sensitive man" concept of more recent years, that frees a man to be both powerful and purposeful, and also feeling and spiritually alive. This has profound effects in all areas of a man's life from work to sex to relationships with women. I can attest to the value of this premise from my husband's success in his career, our marriage/sexual relationship, and as a father and a spiritual being. Being a superior man is not necessarily an easy path, but hugely rewarding. I highly recommend this book to women as well as Deida's books "Dear Lover" and "It's a Guy Thing" to better understand healthy masculine/feminine dynamics and deepen their relationships with men.
For those who feel an author must be "credentialed" (MD or PhD or whatever) to offer this type of advice, or who are looking for hard data research to back up the claims he makes, this book may disappoint. I would just encourage such readers to suspend judgement long enough to give the book a read, take what they find to ring true and useful and leave the rest. There is a lot of value here, and I have found it to be "proven" in my own experience with men and as a woman. |
Not what it pretends to be
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| Reviewer: Think About It, Charlotte, NC, USA |
If you are looking for help about your relationship with your wife or sexual partner, this is a good book. You'll find plenty of useful, insightful and potentially helpful advises about how to deal with the often complicated issues that we all face in those relationships.
What I have trouble with is the pretension of this book to be "the ultimate spiritual guide for men". I dare to say that Mr. Deida is quite confused regarding spiritual matters. His "spiritual" advises are rehearsed material that could have been given by anybody well read in the matter, and often seem to come out of a confused mind. He uses almost interchangeably the words love, sex and spiritual awakening. Mr. Deida is part of a sorry lineage of men throughout the ages who thought that the fact of having mastered their sexual energy gave them some kind of spiritual authority. It certainly gave them some power over their own life and the life of other people, (and also some great sex!) and probably led them to more heightened awareness experiences than the average person usually comes across. But the self-knowledge and lack of self importance that true spiritual accomplishment provides is thoroughly lacking in this book. If you are looking for sound and sane spiritual advises, look somewhere else, because you'll get confused here (maybe even without realizing it!). |
Alvin's lifecoachesblog.com review
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| Reviewer: MB, Los Angeles |
I know I've just read a good book when 1) I want my friends to read it 2) I want to re-read it again after I finish. The Way Of The Superior Man does both.
David Deida makes it clear at the beginning of his book that even though the book title is The Way Of The Superior Man, this book is for the masculine aspect of a person, whether it be male or female.
I love it when a book opens my eyes to new horizons, helps shed insight on the mistakes I've made and the new directions I can take going forward. The Way Of The Superior Man showed me the differences between the masculine and feminine in a non-apologetic and revealing way. I had a lot of `oh, so that's what I did wrong in my past relationships' moments, and took home more than a few ideas...that actually worked when I tested them out.
The book is divided into mini-chapters, with one main idea per chapter. One of my favorites is chapter 47, `Take into Account the Primary Asymmetry':
"Although you and your woman are equal beings, you are very different creatures. If she has a feminine sexual essence, her core will be fulfilled when love is flowing. For example, she can experience difficulties in her career, but if full love is flowing in her life - with her children, friends, and with you - then her core will be fulfilled.
Not so for you. If you have a masculine essence, then your woman and children can be loving you all day and night, but if your career or mission is obstructed, you will not feel at ease. You won't even want to share much intimate time with your woman until you have your career or mission back on track.
Your woman's core is fulfilled by love. Your core is released from stress by aligning your life with your mission."
Buy this book if you want to better understand the masculine force, how it's constrained by the popular beliefs of society and how you can exude stronger masculine energy.
Buy this book also if you want to get a firmer grasp of the differences between the sexes and how you can use that to better improve your life and your relationships. But be warned, David tells it like he sees it, and like them or not, some of his ideas will challenge you. |
The Way of the Superior Man
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| Reviewer: Brad R. Smith, |
| If you are a man struggling with your identity in the outer world, the inner world and the sexual world, feeling that your masculinity has been cut-off in a world of political correctness, yet a man who very much loves and honors women, this book -- and this author -- will change your life from the first few chapters. You'll say to yourself: "This is truth." |
Honor the Poles, then Flip if You Want
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| Reviewer: T. V. Robertson, Concord, MA United States |
For me, the measure of a book like this is: Does it resonate with my life experience, then take me to valuable new or forgotten insights that feel like they "fit"? Deida's book does a 5-star job of this, and it is written in a particularly clear and accessible style.
Reading a book like this is almost like reading a poem. Those who look for scientific validation or an argued sociological position will be disappointed. Your reaction to the book will also be personal. You probably won't like this book if you think masculine/feminine polarity has no place in a loving relationship.
My recommendation for getting into the book is to look at the table of contents, pick a chapter that looks interesting, and read that chapter. I did this, and when I finally got to it, the Introduction seemed less powerful and direct than the rest.
I particularly liked Deida's recognition that each of us has a complex nature. The masculine and feminine energy poles exist in each of us. His framework doesn't tie us down as individuals; rather he suggests that particular situations go better when we honor our pole and its opposite in our partner, rather than each striving for neutral. |
He put in words what I knew intrinsically as a woman but struggled to express
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| Reviewer: VAE, Mountain View, Ca |
| I tried to explain all of what David Deida outlines brilliantly to a man I was dating once. This was before reading his book of course. I took stabs at it through emails. It went something like this: "There's more than just being with someone. I want all of it, the whole package. I want the feelings AND the being with someone. Otherwise it's like the proverbial plane on the runway that never takes off." This was received as a desire to get married. No. He completely missed the boat. Now I know that he was not interested in the full experience, in something deeper, in MORE. He is a man that is afraid and closed off. Pity, because if you as a man want to know how to have the wildest, best, most fantastic ride of your life in bed and out- read this. And read it again. As women, we want YOU. To be present. To not be afraid. If you can do that, then your experience will be amazing. It is the answer to the proverbial "What's in it for me?" question that men ask when they get involved with a woman. If you give in this way you will get back double your "investment" and then some. Whoooheee. Now THAT's living, that's being alive. Thank you David Deida for your work and insight. Brilliant. |
A must read for Men and Women.
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| Reviewer: Deon, Los Angeles |
The Way of the Superior Man is more of a recipe book or a guidebook for living life artfully, than an academic review of already existing literature.
Written for people who have witnessed and/or lived the 50's style patriarchy or the modern day equality and political correctness and are ready to move beyond those.
What Deida presents is a possible step for people who want to move from the loving, yet neutral equality already achieved in their relationship to a deeper passion. (Deeper passion not only in intimate relationships, but in life itself.)
This book offers ways to do so without moving backwards into old sexual roles and stereotypes.
Instead of "one size fits all" how-to's Deida offers inspiration to uncover your individual gifts and use them for the sake of love in both relationship and offered as a gift to the world.
This applies to the masculine aspect in both men and women.
It also offers a profound understanding of the "dance" between masculine and feminine and how this applies to relationships.
One of the most common misperceptions leading to the misunderstanding that Deida's work supports old gender stereotypes is the belief that in order to be "feminine" a woman has to give up her "direction" in the world and workforce, while the man has to be in"control".
In this book it becomes clear that this is in fact not so-it is simply useful for one partner in the relationship (man or woman) to take on the masculine and for the other partner to take on the feminine when passion and the sparks of polarity are desired.
This is done as a practice-an artform- constantly fresh and in always new and surprising ways.
The way of the Superior Man is inspiring not only in the practical realms of women, money and sex, but also in the realms of spiritual developement. |
How To Build a Heart AND a Spine
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| Reviewer: Metallic Artist, Long Beach, CA |
| After reading The Way of the Superior Man, my perpective on women and dating completely changed. It made me see things I never knew were in me, and things I never saw in women before. Once you go through the book, you'll go through it again because there is an immense amount of information. One fact in the book that most guys don't know, 90% of women's emotional problems come from feeling unloved. In the book he'll tell you how to deal with any relationship issue you could have (It isn't typically what you think it is). He also explains the difference between men that become lovers and men that end up in the "just friends" category with women. Truly one of the best books ever on not just becoming a superior man, but a mature man. |
Unravel the mysterious behavior of women!
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| Reviewer: John Cole, Texas |
Deida gives guys a great guide to understanding the often maddening behavior of their woman. He explains what they are really desiring and how we can satisfy those desires.
I've been astounded at the reactions I get from girls who I share his ideas with. They unanimously confirm that he's right on track. I wish I had known these secrets sooner in life!
A must read for any guy who wants a fulfilling relationship rather then a maddening one. Also, woman could also learn a lot about themselves and their guys by reading this. |
If you dont get it........youre probably not ready.
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| Reviewer: Michael A. Kettner, Kansas city |
I'll agree with many that the author is presumptuous here. However..... I'd be presumptuous too if I knew precisely what I was saying.
Myself being a man raised primarily by a woman (a woman frightened of her own femininity I might add) I grew up a very ardent and frustrated seeker. Women simply made no sense and men only made a little.
Reasoning and groping out the mysteries of these polarities was exactly zero fun, I can tell you and what I did figure out, although sound, left impressive holes surrounding a male understanding of femininity.
I am testing Mr. Deida's conclusions even as I write but I can tell you the more startling conclusions are already verified by the exactness, with which they fit, the gaps in understanding left by a mothers teaching of masculinity to her son.
I am grateful for this viewpoint and it has, already, begun altering my Universe in ways I have long yearned for. I hope these conclusions continue to unfold in the pattern Mr Deida has foretold but even if they dont, the enlightement already attained is deeply useful.
Men make no sense to you even though you are one?
This WILL help. Dont believe me....... test it. |
I am inspired to apply the concepts
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| Reviewer: Beau Williams, Pacific Northwest |
When reading books like this one, I have a tendancy to "protect" myself by absorbing the information in an intellectual way...additional data to add to my information buckets but not necessarily something to commit to with emotional enthusiasm. I've changed that with this book.
The chapters are short and get to the point almost immediately. The chapters express spiritual, metaphysical, emotional and philosophical concepts in a functional manner consistent with how many men comprehend and apply new information.
The "male" essence is explained not only from the perspective of applying it in your life, but also from the perspective of how it impacts the "female" essence in a partner. A perfect way of getting to see both sides of the coin. In fact, if you're a man with more "female" essence than "male", or almost any woman, you'll still get a lot of good information from this book.
Overall, I like the way it teaches how the "male" essence can be "dominant" without being "domineering".
I'm only half-way through the book and am already applying some of the information to my life. I feel better and stronger already simply by trying. Excellent stuff. |
The philosophy of manhood
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| Reviewer: granger, Ithaca, NY USA |
I've read this book twice now. All I can say is that it really hit me in the gut. There's not a lot of explanation or literary sourcing in the book. However, as a person who is well read in mens work, western and eastern philosophy I know there is a definite cogency to his thought process.
Each of the short chapters should be read one at a time with a period of reflection - for this book can help to engage you with the true center of your being if you use it as a process to examine yourself.
I know some of the reviewers think he is not respectful of women, but I don't find this to be the case. A quick reading might lead to such a false conclusion but instead his ideas are much more based on finding a soulful connection with women. In fact, I have found this book to offer me a missing piece in dealing with my own problemmatic relationships with women that I have never tapped into before - despite all the 'relationship' books I have read. Highly recommended for both men and for women wanting to understand and support their man. |
Embrace your masculine power
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| Reviewer: Brian Johnson, Topanga, CA |
"This book is a guide for a specific kind of newly evolving man. This man is unabashedly masculine--he is purposeful, confident, and directed, living his chosen way of life with deep integrity and humor--and he is sensitive, spontaneous, and spiritually alive, with a heart-commitment to discovering and living his deepest truth." ~ David Deida from "The way of the Superior Man"
This is a powerful book. If you're conservative, it's going to push your edges and might be too much for you. However, if you're a man who's committed to living his life at his edge, understanding the ideas of masculine and feminine energy and how they play out in intimate sexual relationships, then this book is pretty much a must-read.
In my experience, you may not always agree with everything Deida says, but you can be assured your perspective will expand--getting you one step closer to living your own highest truth. |
unconventional wisdom
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| Reviewer: schnoggi, |
haven't finished it yet, and I expect when i do i'll just pick it up and read it all over again. I've highlighted so much of it, and intend to go back and type up a crib sheet for the most important parts, and that is going to be a long document. in most cases, you can substitute "life" or "the world" for "your woman", and things will ring that much more true. I guess you have to make mistakes awhile before they can become visible enough to move past; a lot of what I've been seeking, he shows how I was going in the opposite direction than I needed to. it's a little embarassing when you read about things i thought were peculiar to my personality, and find that they're just part of the typical masculine energy, and a lot of what i thought were idiosyncrasies in my girlfriend are normal feminine ways. and he continually describes ways that i respond (ineffectively) to her, ways that feel right to me at the time but somehow never seem to produce the desired effect.
how did this stuff manage to stay secret for so long? like anything, once you grasp it it just seems so obvious, but getting there is such a push. I'm glad he dug it up for me, doubt i'd have ever figured this out on my own.
a life-changing book. |
Life and relationship is the play of polarity energy
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| Reviewer: Bluestream, in my world |
David Deida's wisdom is drawn widely from ancient Taoist wisdom of the play of yin and yang energy, including taoist lovemaking arts. And he applies the wisdom on our current day world and situation quite accurately. These days, most women have adopted a masuline side while many men have acquired a more softer feminine side, balancing out the polarity. He talks about cooling and hot energy, all taoist and chinese concepts. Some Western readers may not understand these concepts or believe in them. However these concepts are the basis of nature.
Deida's interpretation of women and men's needs truly is magnificent. Men and women have been going on without knowing their instinctive needs and desires, getting confused and frustrated. Read this book if you want to understand how to make your woman feel happy with you. if you are a lady, read "Its a Guy Thing" by Deida.
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not what I expected it to be
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| Reviewer: N. Winocur, USA |
The book was not what I expected it to be based on a friend's recommendation, but still offers enough sound advice to be worth reading once. More importantly it does a very good job of clearly stating its intended audience & purpose in the very first chapters.
I'd recommend borrowing the book from a friend/library or reading up to that point in a bookstore to find out whether the book is for you.
If you are the sort of person David Deida is trying to reach with the book, then by all means it should be an excellent read. |
Noncastrated Man
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| Reviewer: Guy Graves, |
This is a valuable, insightful book into how the noncastrated man can relate to women. Instead of the macho male or spineless whimp, Deida gives us a new model to live by. His belief that women will only respect us if we put our life's purpose first really resonated with me. Now every time I see a man criticize or loose patience with his woman, I think, "he's not a superior man."
One thing lacking in this book is deep spiritual insight. It's full of practical tips and tools, but it lacks insight into the truly superior nature of our being: the soul. Afterall, the subtitle is "A Spiritual Guide to Mastering . . ." I wanted more than gathering in the woods with other men and singing and dancing. I want to know the way of the "Superior and Spiritual Man."
A good complement to this book, which offers insights into being both a superior man and a spiritual man is "This Side of the Gate" by John P. Johnston. It's the first spiritual book that speaks to the "superior man." I like the idea that we can be spiritual without giving up our masculinity. Afterall, how can we be superior men if we have no concept of the soul? |
Should be required reading for a lot of men
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| Reviewer: Kenwood Bollinger, Boston, MA |
This book was referenced frequently by a "dating guru" type author, but it's really quite helpful wisdom for men in relationships, and going through divorces (like me) as well.
The stuff about the Taoist sex technique towards the end, I take with a grain of salt, but I intend to re-read this book at least once. |
Mumbo-jumbo
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| Reviewer: Benjamin Lukoff, Seattle |
| "What She Wants Is Not What She Says" and "Her Complaint Is Content-Free" are but two of the chapter titles of this book. (Don't forget "Ejaculation Should Be Converted or Consciously Chosen" and "Ejaculate Up the Spine," either.) It's not all woo-woo: there is probably some truth to some of the author's assertions -- but really, I think this book is squarely aimed at men like the author, who are after the sort of relationship that just may not be possible. Probably great for people who have liked his other books, like The Enlightened Sex Manual: Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover, but really not so much so for those who think that, though men and women are different, they are still the same species. To be fair, this *is* billed as a *spiritual* guide, and sexual desire makes an appearance in the subtitle, as well. But it's just not my style. Check out some sample pages before buying, at least. |
Coherent advice
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| Reviewer: David H. Peterzell, San Diego, CA United States |
Don't expect the contents of this book to be politically-correct or scientifically validated. It doesn't pretend to be either. But it sure provides helpful advice. Deida has anticipated some of the most vital and vexing issues facing men. He knows when and how men become cynical, confused or frustrated, and turns dark things into something more positive. You might find some of the advice counterintuitive, but try it... Note that there are as many women as men endorsing this book. Deida is on to something.
Before buying this specific product, take a look at Deida's website/portal. Get a sense of ALL his products and pick the one that makes the most sense. He offers a fair amount of audio material, and if you aren't an avid reader, these may be more helpful. He has recently released a DVD titled "Function, Flow and Glow: The Art of Sexual Yoga," in which he shares his views of therapy, art and spirituality. He claims that he's mostly about teaching the "art" of great sex and loving, though he delves into the other areas with considerable insight and wisdom. The DVD is entertaining and informative (and funny), but I think it is mostly targeted toward the Ken Wilber / integrative spirituality crowd. There's nothing wrong with that, but you might be a bit confused if you are not familiar with the "Integral" world. I suspect you'll find something of value anyway.
Another good place to start (especially if you are learning Deida's concepts as a couple) is "The Enlightened Sex Manual: Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover" (book with excercise CD). The experiential content and "energy" work is worth the price of admission. |
Changed my life
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| Reviewer: Jonathan Rudolf, Portland, OR |
I recieved this book from my Dad on my 22nd birthday and haven't looked back. I've read this book once already and am immediately beginning to read it again. The information is so concise that I feel like I'll need a few more readings to truly grasp and retain the wonderfully laid out gems of knowledge which converge together on a beautiful and useful central theme that will change the way you think about the world. While other books need long chapters to convey the message, Deida truly masters the art of masculine communication, straight and to the point with nothing more or less than the reader needs.
If you have a woman in your life, this book will dramatically improve your understanding and acceptance of her modus operandi. Just the chapters on a man's direction, purpose and consciousness alone are worth getting and reading the book, but it's Deida's expertise on the feminine that hit home for me.
And while most "self-help" books focus on selfish growth, Deida's book is the opposite. The ultimate goal is filling the world with love. To live life to its fullest so others may also fully live. To put your entire energy into your woman only to get even more in return. Get this book and be prepared to grow. |
Great look at sex in loving relationships
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| Reviewer: Cesar A. Salgado, Oakland, CA |
I was impressed at the level of honesty by the author. He was very open about his desires and fantasies, and how these can exist in a committed relationship. He really teaches that it is not our dark side that is inappropriate, but how we handle it.
His views on the relationship dynamic were also helpful. The male and female priorities are inherently different, and once we accept these differences, love can actually exist. This theory has helped me in my personal life and relationships.
I would recommend this book to anyone that is willing to be honest about their relationships and sexual life. |
Great!
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| Reviewer: Paul T. Jones, Sydney |
| Fantastic work. Definitely understands his subject deeply. I've read many books on this type of subject and each has snippets of wisdom, but this one puts a lot of the gems together. Really a must-have if you want to understand these strange creatures they call women. |
This Book Will Anger ALL Romantics
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| Reviewer: Patrick Talley, Texas |
I tossed this book, in disgust, across the room a number of times. However; I was certain that such a viceral reaction must be coming from somewhere deep.
Deida says what we all DON'T want to hear. Many of us have this romantic notion that we are far more evolved (in terms of the relationship dance) than we really are. I know that I always felt that a great woman would love me all the more for my strength. My mistake was (and Deida points this out very well) in believing that passing all of life's many tests (historically)and being sensitive and emotive about my feelings would be exactly what my woman would want in a strong man. Many women don't want to ever smell a "whiff" of fear on their man.
Men, let your male friends see you sweat and fearful. They too have fears and do not judge or dismiss your strength because of those fears. In reality they think you more the man because you can go into the cave tembling but still slay the dragon. Leave your fears unnoticed to your lady. She doesn't want to see them and the relationship is not better because you have revealed them to her.
Otherwise, a non-ending dance of "test" will develop. |
Perilous Concepts for the Modern Workplace
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| Reviewer: J Garland McLellan, Sydney, Australia |
Obviously, I am not the ideal target audience for this book.
This book was recommended to me by a friend. I found it a confronting and difficult read. That said; it did seem to explain some of the unfortunate dynamics that I have witnessed between men and women in the boardroom.
Deida starts from the contention that men and women are vastly different. This shouldn't be a difficult idea to defend. However, when descriptions of the feminine character seem to include notions of mindless vacillation it is hard for a woman who has earned a place in the higher echelons of business to sympathise with his point of view. Quotes such as "for the feminine, truth is a thin concept compared to the thickness of her flow of feelings" and "What your woman says is like a cloud passing in the sky; well formed, coherent, and unrecognizable moments later" raised feminist hackles I never knew I had.
Putting aside my automatic response to the evolutionary behaviouralism: The book is well written and thought provoking. The short chapters make it an excellent travelling companion and the introductory paragraphs before each chapter allow rapid assimilation of ideas. The book should comfort men who are uneasy with their role as masculine beings in workplaces replete with tough, dependable women. The advice to enjoy the delightful feeling that attractive women provoke in most men but not to act upon any sexual impulse arising from it would save plenty of employers the cost and distraction of harassment cases.
There is some good advice in this book. Recognising masculine and feminine traits, then selecting the most appropriate for each situation, may enable readers to be more effective in the modern workplace. Women readers will need to take a deep breath and remind themselves that Deida is talking about the superior man as compared to the inferior man and not as compared to women (whether superior or otherwise). Male readers will need to remember that, in a workplace where technical skills, contractual agreements and the supremacy of logic are the basis for success, they will be surrounded by women who act more like men and who expect to be accorded a masculine measure of respect.
Unlike Henry Higgins, Deida understands that for men and women to be more like each other is not always the best basis for exciting relationships, it may, however, be a good basis for trans-gender workplace friendships.
Now for the big question: Does this book help with exciting relationships outside the workplace? I'm not telling; you'll have to read it yourself!
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Great daily read
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| Reviewer: Artemus Q. Kraig, Here In The Now. |
This is a very good book, though I like several of the author's other books more (Finding God Through Sex and Wild Nights specifically). One thing that has proven very useful is the short, but pointed chapters. In the morning I can read one over coffee, but the lesson sticks with me throughout the day.
I would also say that the CD series of the same name is a very suitable adjunct. I would recommend that you consider buying both. |
Love it
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| Reviewer: Gina A. Crowell, Telluride, CO USA |
| I have never felt more understood by a man than by David Deida. My husband is reading this book right now and he loves it as well. Very short chapters, very concise. Funny to be referred to as "your woman" |
Interesting ideas if you can get past the new agey writing style
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| Reviewer: FrancoB411, New York City |
He's got some good ideas. The book makes you think, helps you understand the way men and women relate better. The ideas in this book are immediately applicable and can enhance your life.
It gets four stars because of the writing style. He often uses words that don't really make specific sense but at the same time make emotional sense. ex "Melt together into lovingness" I felt annoyed when the laguage got a little fowery.
Aside from that, it's got useful information and for some men, it might make a big difference in their lives. I would recommend it. |
Easy reading, but not really Enlightening
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| Reviewer: A Central Illinoisian in Chicago, USA |
"The Way of the Superior Man" is an OK book, and probably very good for a younger man looking doing a little soul searching. The chapters are relatively short and too the point, and the writing is clear and direct - like a "Superior Man" would write it, I presume.
However, having been through the wringer a few times in my life, I found the book to lack depth. It actually seemed slightly defensive in tone, which is appropriate in a way because of the "anti-masculine" messaging we're surrounded by, but it wasn't something that wanted to find in a book that is supposed to be about being "Superior", and standing tall. I admit that I struggled to complete it - all too often I would read something and think "Yeah, but..." or "It's not quite that simple..." or occasionally, "I wonder what this guy's wife or girlfriend would say..."
I'm not knocking the book, or its author's take on life. For younger men, its fine. But if you're into your late 30s or beyond, you may find it lacking.
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Interesting but not scientific
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| Reviewer: Jaewoo Kim, Santa Monica, CA |
How does a person become a spiritual/sex guru? I was curious and decided to purchase and read this book.
I did some research on David Deida, and it appears he has no formal education on either psychology or human sexuality. What he does appear to have, however, are powerful insights into eastern beliefs on sexuality greatly differing from our own western version.
Although the author sites absolutely no scientific rationale to provide support for his views, I found his views to be fascinating. For example, in a chapter "Stop Hoping for Your Women to Get Easier":
"So she will test you. She might not be fully conscious of why she is doing it, but she will poke your weak spots, especially in moments of your superficial success, in order to feel your strength. If you collapse, you've flunked the test....It never ends. A woman will always test her man for the pleasure of feeling his strength in loving, his capacity to transcend nuisance, his persistence in his own truth, and his capacity to share that truth in love with her, even when she is complaining- especially when she is complaining."
The author provides a refreshing eastern perspective on sexuality, masculinity, and feminity. It isn't entirely politically correct. But it is sexually correct. I am sure not all feminists would agree with the author's views. But those who seek the truth will find the author's unique perspective to be invigorating as having a good night with a woman who loves, and therefore tests, him.
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MUST reading for all men
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| Reviewer: Gary L. Stamper, Seattle, WA USA |
| This is the 'how-to" book our fathers could never write (God bless them), and the best men's book on relationship I've ever read. Not because it teaches you tricks, or how to please a woman, but because it it shows men how to stand in our masculine power as our true selves, rather than someone who denies themselves to please others. I could never be in the incredible relationship I'm in today without the lessons I've learned from this book, and that includes having clear boundaries where self respect, awareness, integrity and purpose must come first in our lives. We always get the relationship we deserve...this book helps us deserve more. I use this book as a basis for the men's group I'm leading. |
A better guide to manliness than your father.
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| Reviewer: K. DAVID, NYC, NY United States |
| David Deida helps fill in the gap that is lacking in American society today. Here, he helps the confused, feminized man understand what being a true man is all about, and what women really want and need in a relationship. On top of this, he helps raise awareness of what men really want and need in a relationship! Seems like it would be obvious, but as much as men think they know what they want, they are as typically confused about their own desires as they are about the desires of women! This book really clears a lot up - and presents a new perspective that makeslife more interesting at the same time. |
Inner Game
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| Reviewer: Manny Howard, Ft. Worth, TX |
This isn't a book about how to meet women or build attract, per se, but for any guy who's interested in learning more about himself and about how women think, this is a good addition to your "pick up" library. Way of the Superior Man is focused on getting you to really examine how you think and treat woman and how your conventional wisdom about what women want and need are sometimes completely wrong.
I've ready this book twice now and many of the major points reminded me of a more recent book titled Secrets of the A Game: How to Meet and Attract Women Anywhere, Anyplace, Anytime, which doesn't go nearly as in-depth as Mr. Deida's book, but instead devotes more to apply these same insights to meeting and attracting women.
I like both books, but I highly recommend Way of the Superior Man because it's so much more important to learn these concepts before you can make much progress with other pick-up material. |
The Way of the Self Centered Man
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| Reviewer: Quality Man, Arizona |
| Well, my thoughts are very similar to the other two star reviews: Deida repackages 1950 stereo types with a slight modern spin. It's as if a John Wayne character wrote a self-help book in his later years reflecting back. Much like the other reviewers as well, I think that there are some truths to what he writes (be confident, have purpose, etc.) but there are some other items that just don't resonate for me. In other words this book is really only for certain types of personalities -- maybe type-A personalities. The one thought that kept crossing my mind as I read this book was that the author was not married (or ever was) or had any children. Maybe he has but I couldn't find anything on the internet mentioning this. I'm not saying one has to have been married or had kids to be a superior man, but I think the attitudes in the book are designed for a lifelong bachelor who changes lovers every 2-5 years. I don't get the feeling that Deida would ever sacrifice his goals for the sake of helping a family member for an extended period. It's all about him really. Hence the title of my review. It also didn't surprise me that Deida offers expensive work shops for those who want to learn more about his ways. I get the odd feeling that the book is primarily a time crafted technique to bring in income and not the revolutionary approach it claims. |
good read for some but for others it will be pretty basic
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| Reviewer: Serious Pimp, |
Ultimately, Deida's advice here boils down to "be a man" without buying into blind macho-ism, something that the vast majority of males in our matriarchal society fail to do.
Deida has a perspective that our culture has lost and he advocates the following philosophies
1) Be a man, live for yourself and attain your purpose in live, embrace your passions at all costs even if it means that you must deal with the disapproval of others (family, significant other, etc.) Be the leader, the dominant figure, and let others follow. Do not buy into the "political correctness" of 50/50 between men and woman because this does away with the polarity on which successful relationships are dependant.
2) Eliminate the fears that hold you back, for they are artificial devices which exist to hold you down.
3) Be real and truthful, stop changing yourself to please the people/woman in your life because that is a blatant lie and will not benefit either one of you, embrace your spiritual flow without seeking approval.
Of course there is a lot more that goes into it, but this is about as much as I can tell you without giving too much of a spoiler.
This is all good information. Problem is, up to this point, for those of you who already understand the nature of the male/female dynamic and masculine/feminine you are probably going "well durrrrrrrr".
I give it four stars though because it is indeed a good read for males who have been brainwashed by society into believing this "men aren't allowed to be men and women aren't allowed to be women" propaganda. And since this constitutes the majority of today's society, then the book deserves a solid rating.
Couldn't give it a 5 though because for those who have already seen through the social programming/brainwashing that goes on here in America, it's all going to be common sense with a few bits of applicable wisdom here and there. |
Narrow, arrogant views
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| Reviewer: Journeyman, Seattle, WA |
This book was recommended by word of mouth. I listened to it on CD, which may have influenced me. I commend the author for the concept of masculine and feminine polarities as the basis for sexual attraction. This is a very useful construct. If you're a fairly conventional guy looking to touch up your life and understand it better, this could be a good book. If you consider yourself outside the mainstream or have a lot of questions about what it means to be a man, don't bother unless you like feeling insulted and kicked around.
I remain totally put off by the self-anointed tone of the title. Superior to whom? Who is he to label other men inferior? The author appears to be very happy with his life and attributes this to how he lives as a man and how this makes "his woman" happy. I'm glad he's found a good way to live, and I think some of his ideas are sound. I take offence at his manner of preaching one true way. If you struggle with any of the issues addressed here and feel that perhaps you don't fit the mold, you may feel uncomfortable or lost.
My reaction was to become profoundly depressed and later, angry. I had to listen to how wonderful the author's life is, compare it with my own differences and apparent shortcomings, all without any advice for how to become a superior man myself. Apparently, it's something one just decides to do. The tone of the CD's came across as arrogant, as if the author was reading from a distant planet that I will never reach - and may not wish to. I don't fit the standard mold, and I didn't need this book to make me feel bad about it. |
A review from the heart
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| Reviewer: Tim Brewer, Oklahoma City, OK |
Deida's thesis lies in the concept of polarity - in short "opposites attract." This is something that has been expounded upon in Taoist and Zen Buddhist philosophy - the concept of the yin and yang - two opposing forces, both necessary for the balance of the physical world, sociologically in the political and social sense, and spiritually within oneself. For Deida, in order for balance in sexual matters, there must be both masculinity and femininity. "Feminine" attributes are a desire for love, desire to nurture, along with a sexual attraction to dominance. "Masculine" attributes are desire to live "on the edge" and to accomplish a "mission" for freedom, along with a sexual attraction to submission. It must be noted here that Deida's distinctions between masculinity and femininity are more arbitrary than logical. He asserts that 90% of the population falls into either the masculine or feminine category, with the remaining 10% more balanced between the two, who couldn't care less about sexual polarity (and whom, unfortunately, Deida equates with "androgyny" - a potentially insulting and inaccurate connotation). For those 90% though, in order to sustain a truly satisfying sexual relationship, one partner must embody the "masculine", and the other must embody the "feminine."
In short, this is a good read. Not five stars, but good. |
Interesting look at polarity, gender roles, spirituality & sexuality
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| Reviewer: Jed Shlackman, Miami, FL United States |
| David Deida presents this guide to balancing life and relationships with an awareness of polarity dynamics. This book is focused mainly toward men who are masculine polarity dominant, and it notes that a person's polarization may be independent of his/her physical body gender. This book teaches men (and women) to understand how the polarity traits play out in our life purpose and in our relationships. The book does not teach people to seek balance within themselves - it merely encourages people to find a way to live harmoniously with existing imbalances/polarizations. Deida shares some good insights into dynamics we see in people's lives and relationships, and he acknowledges that what he's teaching is stuff that we'll ultimately transcend. One issue I would have liked to see him address is the likelihood that people may evolve or shift over time in terms of their polarization of what he refers to as "sexual essence." Since on the soul level we are androgynous, we can bring in varying degrees of both gender qualities throughout our life journey. That means things are more complex than the book implies and the relationship and life path issues discussed are always being reviewed and renogotiated. Deida shares an interesting perspective and gives a lot of insight about spiritual and sexual matters that arise as we play out gender roles in human life. This book is worth reading and is grist for discussion whether or not you agree with all the author has to say. |
A couple of diamonds, a lot of matrix
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| Reviewer: F. Presson, Birmingham, AL USA |
This book is intended to provide guidance for men (or other persons of "masculine essence") in relationship with women (or other persons of "feminine essence"). It presupposes that one does not buy into the gender stereotypes of the 1950s, and that one is interested in living a full and authentic spiritual life (however one defines that) while keeping a mate happy and being a success in life in general (however one defines that). The author is explicitly concerned with the question of how to express one's male nature without being either a "macho jerk" or "New Age wimp." One finds that hard to object to.
There are a number of useful and inspiring _dicta_ in the book, first off. It might be just the elixir for some readers. I know a number of people who probably ought to act on some of the advice herein. One of them is writing this review, in fact.
I'll summarize the best parts for you: throw yourself into your work or whatever your mission in the "real world" is. Use your fear to tune in, not as an excuse to drop out. Offer your woman wide-open love, not hiding from her emotional highs or lows. Earn her trust by being true to your mission as well as open to her.
However, the gender stereotypes that were disclaimed in the first few pages are steadily re-introduced throughout the book, and frankly, they poison the atmosphere.
Deida also advocates sexual continence for men (sex without ejaculation) but he spends little effort justifying this or giving more than a perfunctory how-to. Most men are not going to take the effort to develop this ability, or more importantly, to reap the rewards of it.
I asked my wife to give this book a quick read to see if she had the same reaction to some of the gender characterizations. She did, and found a few that I glossed over on my way through.
I also see the basic framework of masculine- and feminine-essenced people as a trap. Deida opines that some biological men are of balanced essence and some of feminine essence (and so are not in the target audience for the book), but my experience tells me that all persons are a complex mess of tendencies that do not line up neatly along gender lines, and that also flex over time, especially when in a wide-open relationship with someone capable of the same.
Should you find yourself in a relationship with someone who embodies this book's implicit definition of a feminine essence, you might not do too badly, for a first approximation, by manifesting its ideal of masculine essence. Just stay alert to indications that changes are needed, because those are also significant avenues for growth. |
For all men to ready, your wife will thank you!
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| Reviewer: T. Misina, PHX, AZ |
| If you want to know what a real man is and also how to please your wife by being a real man, read this. If you think you know, you'll only know more! This really helped just understand woman and how our reactions can effect the outcome of any interaction. I considered my self a true man, but after reading this I am only stronger than I was before. This ultimately helped my career, my life and now that I'm married, my marriage! Quick read chapters and for the price or should I say investment in your life, priceless! |
no matter your background, this is a MUST-READ for every man!
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| Reviewer: C. Baker, Los Angeles, Ca. |
| two main ideas: the masculine and feminine balance in a relationship, and understanding that every man needs to be pursuing purpose and mission in his life or everything suffers. i do know two women that have read it, and they loved it as well. the masculine/feminine balance is about the man being decisive, and "taking care of business." if he slacks, the woman commands more masculine energy, and the guy suffers for it, especially in the bedroom! |
Most Helpful Relationship teacher thus far
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| Reviewer: Shellster, Oregon |
I can recommend this book wholeheartedly--truly I have read multiple relationship books and listened to endless hours of teachers on tape, and David Deida has changed my relationship SO MUCH for the better. Sure there are things that IRK me in his writings, things I don't agree with, but afterall, he is only human too! And you can take certain things with a grain of salt just as in any teaching.
Yet what he does teach in this book has thrust my husband and I forward in our growth, faster and farther than any book we've read together. THIS book plus the book for women titled "Dear Lover" are filled with eye opening thoughts and practices. (I literally cried with relief when we read "Dear Lover" because it fnally felt as though a man understood exactly what a woman needs and longs for.) Some age old wisdom, retooled in Deida's funny, no nonsense language.
I am giving copies to both my 20-something sons!
Shelly |
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