How to lose the guilt when (and after) having an affair
Guilt plays a role for many people both during an affair and after this activity has ended. This guilt can be detrimental to your health and life, but how can you lose the guilt and feel normal again? Feelings of guilt are often picked up by the spouse, especially if a couple has been married for some time. If the affair is still going on your guilt could cause the affair to be discovered, and if the affair has ended this guilt could cause emotional damage to the injured spouse. Some people feel guilty even when the affair has not started yet, simply because the urge to do so is present. The first thing you should do is take some deep breaths and count to ten or twenty. This will clear your head so you can think rationally and clearly about the facts, without guilt causing you to make the wrong decisions.
One way to minimize any guilt during the affair is to take pains to be extremely discreet. If your spouse does not find out then no one gets hurt, and there is no reason to feel guilt. Many affairs are discovered because of carelessness. Running into friends who know you and your spouse while out with your lover is a common problem, and you can prevent this by going away from the area you live in for your trysts. Use a disposable cell phone and secret email address so your spouse never finds any communications between you and your lover. For most people the guilt subsides as time goes on and the affair is not discovered, but this can be when carelessness slips in. Guilt is the way your brain has of telling you to be careful and think things through. Never give your lover your home or work phone number or address, because this can complicate things.
What about any guilt after the affair has ended? Once you have ended the affair some of your guilt should disappear. Many people confess to their spouse, in the hopes of eliminating this guilt, but often this will only make things worse. If you are having a hard time dealing with guilt from an affair then you may want to see a therapist to work through these feelings. In some cases revealing the affair is advised, so that any marital problems can be addressed, but a therapist should be the first step in making this decision.
Filed under: Advice
