 Everyone should read this. Applies to abusers of any gender. |
| Reviewer: , |
| I just picked this book up on vacation and I found it the most illuminating book I've ever read on dysfunctional relationships. It spells out hurtful, abusive behaviors and what they really mean. This book helped me see someone whose erratic behavior had confused and hurt me for years was running a classic pattern of tension, abuse, and making amends. Instead of feeling that the action didn't match the words, I saw clearly that he fit the mold of a control freak who sees relationships as win/lose or dominator/dominatee. While the book mostly applies to men, women can also be abusers who fit into these patterns. Every woman should read this book and every high school girl. It will save you wasted time and untold pain. It helps to differentiate between basically good men who will grow, bad men who may not change, and completely hopeless men who you need to leave in the dust. |
Read it before you leave, and if you already have
|
| Reviewer: Fruit Loop, Down South |
| An invaluable manual for how to get out of an abusive relationship and how to break the ties afterwards. I also recommend it for women who are looking for a serious relationship and for young teens. There are definite red flags to look for BEFORE you become involved with someone. |
Ditch That Jerk
|
| Reviewer: , |
| "Ditch that Jerk " was extremely informative, straight forward and easy to read. It accurately depicts an abusive person's characteristics, behaviors, strategies, and actual statements that are used to intimidate and control others. I have passed it onto my husband so he can see that his tactics are documented and will eventually undermine any chance of having a harmonious relationship. "Ditch that Jerk" clearly explains that the abuser knows the difference between right and wrong and if they resist change, the cycle of abuse will continue. This book gives the victim important information to recognize the behavioral patterns and how to get help. I found it to be an excellent book for women that find themselves in a domestic violence situation. |
Specifically written for women
|
| Reviewer: Midwest Book Review, Oregon, WI USA |
| Ditch That Jerk: Dealing With Men Who Control And Hurt Women is specifically written for women in miserable, dangerous, unfulfilled, abusive, stifling, debasing relationships with a husband or boyfriend. A seasoned and experienced expert in the complex field of domestic violence, author Pamela Jayne writes in a direct, honest, candid, informative, inspiring style while drawing upon several real-life examples to aptly demonstrate how the mind of an abusive man works, and how to confidently recognize men as either potentially good, definitely bad, or utterly hopeless. Pamela Jayne's Ditch That Jerk is a very highly recommended addition to contemporary women's issues, dysfunctional relationships, self-help recovery, and self-esteem restoration reading lists. |
Bravo, Pamela Jayne
|
| Reviewer: Melissa S., Oak Park, Il |
| I chose to read this book because I am an advocate for children and teen victims of domestic violence and dating violence. I found Pamela's book to be very insightful. I found the case studies very interesting and appreciated her very simple and easy to read writing style. Working with teens, I am constantly looking for pertinent info and sometimes have difficulty finding information that they would be able to understand. I would recommend this book to any teenage victim as well as to the friends and families of victims of domestic/dating violence. Pamela Jayne, in addition to addressing the issue of why a person chooses to abuse, also identifies how a victim gets sucked into this cycle of violence and discusses why they might choose to stay. |
Good book, bad title
|
| Reviewer: S. Scott, Southeast Ohio |
The book tended to ramble on a bit, but overall, I found it very informative and helpful. The title is this books biggest flaw. The book itself has the potential to help women to tell the difference between a good man who does bad things but can be helped, and a really bad man she should stay away from. Unfortunately, when I tried to get my daughter to read this book, she was offended by the title. Even after I explained the intent of the book, she still refused to take it. She was afraid if her boyfriend saw the book, he would think she was trying to get rid of him and it would cause trouble in their home.
|
response to Matt Atkinson..is this book useful for teens?
|
| Reviewer: , |
As the author of the book and a parent of teens, I can confidently tell you that teens DO read the book and benefit from it. Several teens (one boy and one girl) ended relationships which they discovered to be controlling after reading parts of it. Therapists who work with teens at my agency use it all of the time and cannot keep the book in stock.
I would advise directing them to certain sections...particularly examples of warning signs as those sections resonate. I hope that this helps. |
Ditch that Jerk is a much needed wake up call!!!
|
| Reviewer: Susan K. Peters, Counselor, M.S., Rockford, Illinois |
| I dated a possessive, controlling man for nearly two and a half years before I realized what was really going on. He called me several times a day and always commented on my appearance. I though that he was being thoughtful and attentive, but he was really checking up on me and criticizing my clothes and hair! After reading just a few chapters of this book, I realized what was really happening and was able to leave that dead-end relationship. Now I am pursuing my education and I feel much better about myself. Thanks alot Ms. Jayne. |
Definitely very educational and entertaining.
|
| Reviewer: Susan K. Peters, Counselor, M.S., Rockford, Illinois |
| As a domestic violence counselor, I have truly enjoyed reading Pamela's book. Pamela writes as she talks, very down-to-earth. I appreciate her sense of humor and factual information. Pamela writes considerably well about true facts concerning relationships. Many people do not recognize what abuse truly entails. Societal messages often play a part in what a man is suppose to be and what roles a woman should provide. As a result, these messages often create confusion. If we can teach children at a very young age that equality and respect are two major ingredients to a healthy relationship of any kind, then perhaps our society will develop a new concept of men and women. Adults must be positive role models to children; we must teach children respect and equality. If anyone reads Pamela's book, one will see this is the key to developing respectful relationships in our society. |
A must read!
|
| Reviewer: Anne Packard, Texas |
Having lived through an abusive marriage, I have quite the inventory of self help books on the subject. Most I just flip through and read here and there -not this one! I read this book in one weekend and still refer back to it three years after leaving! I have talked with many other victims and this book is RIGHT ON with it's description of the tactics abusers use. If you read this book after reading my journal you would have thought that the blurbs about the "hopeless" guys were copied from my journal.
This is by far the best book I have come across on this subject. A must read for anyone who is going through or knows someone in an abusive situation. After recommending it to her, my ex mother in law read this book and she confessed that it opened her eyes to a lot of the "tricks" her son used and still does to continue his destructive behavior and the reasons why he does.
A very illuminating book! |
Every woman should read this book
|
| Reviewer: La Mariposa, |
| This book was very helpful in helping me end my abusive marriage. When I first left my abusive ex-husband, I missed him a lot and I kept wondering if I should go back and work it out with him. I started purchasing domestic violence books and this was the first book I read. Once I read this book, I knew what I needed to do. A few months later, I got my divorce and I have not regretted it. |
Tells what everyone needs to know
|
| Reviewer: DV lawyer, West Virginia |
| I'm a lawyer who has represented domestic abuse victims for almost thirty years. Pamela Jayne's descriptions and recommendations are "spot on," and my heart breaks every time I see a new client who is only now learning what this book teaches. Since discovering it a few years ago I've recommended the book to lots of clients. My hope is two-fold: (1) that the book will help them break the cycle with their current abuser rather than hold onto false hope; and (2) that it can help them avoid establishing new relationships with the same old patterns. The book's greatest advantage is that it's an easy (even compelling) read, so you can recommend it to people who would never sit still for dryer policy-wonk stuff. (If you want more detailed analysis and academic discussion of the subject, I recommend books by Lundy Bancroft.) |
Right on
|
| Reviewer: , |
| This book is terrific. It's so easy to read and sometimes even funny. It's everything you will ever want to know about controlling men. Very highly recommend. |
Second of two books that gave me my life back
|
| Reviewer: Linda Trujillo, |
| As a woman who has been physically battered and verbally abused for a period of 4 years in a marriage with someone I thought was a good guy, this book helped me understand what was going on and why. I knew our relationship was toxic but couldn't understand how he could be so suddenly vicious and cruel one day and so conciliatory and appeared so remorseful and ready to promise any changes if I would just not leave/divorce him. It was the hope for change that kept me in this terrible relationship. Once I understood what was being done to me physically and emotionally was really all about him controlling me, I found the courage to leave the relationship. Thank you sooo much Pamela Jayne! Ditch That Jerk : Dealing With Men Who Control and Hurt WomenThis book was written in clear language that was easy to understand...no baffling psychology terms or theories...just the facts. I'll always be grateful. |
Gift this to someone you care about
|
| Reviewer: Joanne Factor, Seattle WA USA |
This book was recommended by a student in one of my self-defense classes. She had left her abusive husband about a year earlier, and since then has been reading everything she could get her hands on about domestic violence. Not only does she strongly recommend this book, she's bought multiple copies and given them to friends who she thinks need to read it.
Really, everybody should read this book. Consider this: over 25% of all women have been, are, or will be involved with an abusive partner sometime in their lives. Even if that person is not you, it was, is, or will be someone you know. I often ask students if they've know anyone who's experienced abuse. Most of the time most students raise their hands. Sometimes only half the class raises their hands. Sometimes everyone raises their hands. Even in classes for teen girls, most of them already have a friend who's experienced dating violence.
Pamela Jayne clearly depicts what abuse is, and how it is distinguished from other normal human behaviors that may be immature, petty, selfish, stubborn, or disagreeable. She points out the early warning signs, or "red flags," of abuse. She goes into great detail, with lots of real examples, of the various ploys and manipulations used by abusive men to justify, deny, or blame someone else for what they've done. And she is clear that in order for an abuser to change, they need to take full responsibility for their behavior and really want to change.
Jayne divides the world of abusive men into three camps: the potentially good, the bad, and the hopeless. While they do have a lot in common, there are several important differences that predict whether or not any given abuser may change his abusive ways. This is an important part of the book, since so many women stay with their abuser because they believe they can change him, or if only they were better girlfriends or wives he wouldn't be abusive, or even that it's their obligation to stay and not abandon him. Jayne is clear that change is very hard, the abuser has to be willing to put in a lot of work and face some very unpleasant facets of his approach to life, and that not many will change. All the willpower and good intentions and love of the wife or girlfriend won't make someone else change.
The potentially good man (who is less likely to use physical violence and usually does not have an alcohol/drug problem) may change if he realizes the emotional costs of his behavior and its impact on people he cares about, and takes responsibility for his own actions. However, those men who seem to constantly swim in chaos, who have trouble holding a job, who have substance abuse issues, and who believe they are life's victims are unlikely to change. And those who totally lack empathy, who use violence freely, chronically lie whenever it's in his interest, and is routinely manipulative, are deemed hopeless. (Other authors, such as Martha Stout, have labeled those who fit this "hopeless" category as sociopaths.)
Ditch That Jerk is well written and easily comprehended. It is a fairly short book, and can be read thoroughly in a weekend (or several weeknights). It's very suitable for young women, including those in their late teens, who may be less certain what abuse is or what their rights in a relationship are. I highly recommend this book, whether you believe you need it or not. |
A must read for all gals in any relationship!!
|
| Reviewer: Been there-done that, Las Cruces, NM, US |
| A great handbook - now if my granddaughter would only apply what she learned from this book to her pathetic relationship! |
More Essential Fare For The Intelligent Woman
|
| Reviewer: Dancing Ganesha, Bangalore, India |
Thank you Pamela Jayne, for including your chapter about psychopaths in your book; more authors need to do this, rather than trying to vapidly explain why certain men are just more "difficult" than others.
According to Pamela Jayne, every three out of ten men is psychopathic. I agree with her. It may even be MORE than that.
You must read this book to differentiate the slightly less "harmful types" from the psychopaths.
|
Psychopath chapter
|
| Reviewer: J. Davidson, |
Anecdotes are one thing but if someone is going to make a claim that 30% of all men are psychopaths I would like to see the empirical evidence to back that up. The majority of researchers I have found in no way agree with that assumption at all. That is a higher number than the % of prison inmates estimated to be psychopathic.
No ethical clinician or researcher would want to give the impression that personal opinions have professional expertise and empirical research supporting them yet all to often anymore proper research is ignored and we get stats like this one.
|
Recognizing the Call For Justice and Help for both sexes
|
| Reviewer: Patricia B. Ross, Wellesley, MA USA |
| The books on this topic can be little else than the plea of women (and to a greater extent, but less realized), of men and of children to society to finally break the indignities that are traditionally encouraged in our male dominated society - which suffers none of the consequences and all of the benefits - of having men in control (however that occurs and is justified to themselves). This book seems to lay open the underlying flaws of such a premise to reach the short changing of men in society's continuing refusal to recognize its part in creating the situations which fall so often often women and children who are the personal victims. Far too much promotion of men using such control mechanisms are marketed to men (and to women) as normal, acceptable and "natural" to men, so that they never have to confront the effects of their conduct. Except for the physical abuse shown, the verbal and emotional abuse are common methods sanctioned by society for men to resolve their conflicts in many different situations, and such conditioning gives rise to abusive situations, but mostly in private. Occasionally, they are used in public as men band together to ridicule or criticize another, for example. In most cases, men are robbed of their tenderness, their ability to feel, and their capacity to love. Women and children have been sacrificed for society's success and prosperity upon which these "control mechanisms" rely, are used in business, and used more personally, and intensely, in the home which destroys their heroism in the eyes of their family members, and makes enemies of potential friends and lovers. There is no legislation because these are not legislative issues. But they are issues that impact enforcement rooted in remedies when damage occurs. To a great extent they are inherited problems. I found a relative from 1370 who kept all of his wives in a castle tower, for example. Developing countries often use their women and children as slave workers, for another example. I am delighted to see that some issues like the pretense of pompous righteousness, insincere apologies, and explosive "power plays" have been examined and placed in context since they are often the most common methods of rational excuse for abusive behavior, and often form the underlying foundation for the more subtle ones. It also helps to understand how abuse of weaker members of society is viewed as acceptable and even desirable by men in their "competitive" need to control situations and circumstances. I attribute this to the lack of flexibility society has for allowing men to fear, to feel, and to think differently than other men, i.e., to be the individuals they are without having to be defensive or control every situation. There is as much need for education of most men and women as there ever has been. A society which encourages men to defend themselves as such needs more help than the men and women themselves who fall victim to its flaws. |
Haven't read thus three stars
|
| Reviewer: CharmedImSure, Boston, MA |
| I'm really just here commenting on a lot of the "non-reviews" here. I read them and then did an Amazon search for "men hating women." Lots of hits. Then I did one for "women hating men." Nothing. So just a reminder that no matter how bad you think it is, men are not joyously publishing books about "them thar crazy women folk." Since most of these reviews concentrate on the supposition that all men are abusive, which is not in keeping with the title of this book, I'd say let's pull back from the rhetoric, read the book, and then comment. |
Just another rambling male hating book.....
|
| Reviewer: Gary Sachs, miserable houston |
As I have stated this is just another man hating book that rambles on and on.
Do not waste the time.
There are many books out there that give answers not just anti male bitter middle aged bitching . |
|
No details are available for this product
Leave a Reply